Would you like a side of guilt with that formula?

One of the things I've found myself getting constantly defensive over since Ethan arrived is the fact that I feed him formula instead of breast milk.  So many women have asked me why I would choose to do that.  "Don't you know breast milk is SO much better". Why yes, I do know that.  The problem is I didn't get a choice in the matter.

Ethan came 3 weeks early and weighed all of 5 pounds when we left he hospital.  I breast fed him exclusively in the hospital, and all the nurses praised him on how well he latched and sucked.  I was ecstatic that I was doing it right and I had this opportunity to bond with my child that no one else could have.  Then we got him home.

For the first two days he did nothing but cry.  I knew something was wrong.  He spent hours at my breast my I could hear his tummy rumbling.  I had this nagging feeling that he wasn't getting anything from me, like I was starving my child.  Ethan wasn't thriving inside of me and now he wasn't thriving outside of me.  Talk about getting a complex.

We took Ethan to the pediatrician for his first visit and he spent the entire time in the waiting room wailing.  Once we were able to see the doctor the first thing he said to us was that he heard Ethan in the waiting room and knew what was wrong.

He's hungry.

Ethan had dropped to 4 pounds 12 ounces and was dangerously close to having to be readmitted to the hospital.  Then the doctor the told me something I will never forget.

It doesn't matter what he eats...as long as he eats!

He then proceeded to give Ethan a supplement which he sucked down like he had never been fed before in his life.  He was instantly better and I felt this wash of relief come over me.  My poor child had been so hungry for days and I was too caught up in the idea that my breast was what was best that he was starving.  So many women had guilted me into thinking that giving him anything other than my breast would doom him for life.

I really feel like society puts so much pressure on women to breastfeed and shames women who don't.  Mothers (and non mothers alike) are so quick to judge that they don't take the time to think that maybe what the mother is doing is in the best interest of the child.  It is beyond frustrating.

In the end I just have to tell myself that I did what was best for my child and that is good enough for me!